Thursday, August 14, 2014

this is happening

[CN: violence, racism, kind of dark even for me sorry in advance]

I've been up for the past thirty minutes chronicling, analyzing, and commentating upon everything that is going on in Ferguson right now. For more info on what's happening there and to read my detailed pundit log go here. I've posted the highlights below as well.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

serious interlude

I am not feeling very humorous right now.

I just want to make sure that you all know that I do not have the authority to speak to other people's experiences of mental illness, including your own. I do not have the authority to say "we" when I talk about how I experience my own illnesses. You may identify with what I have to say or you may not, but here is what is key:

It is not hopeless. No one is a lost cause. Things can and will and do get better.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

job description

As a reminder, here is a list of the many jobs I perform here.

  1. Empathic listener
  2. Unlicensed clinical therapist
  3. Metaphorical sledgehammer
  4. Inventor of important and necessary concepts (such as metaphysical blackmail and quartz palace reflector syndrome and ockham's plaid underpants)
  5. Jew
  6. President
  7. Frontline solidier
  8. Acupuncturist
  9. Feminist gangster
  10. Making fetch happen
  11. Reader of anonymous screen caps
  12. Self-published author
  13. Personal assistant to Judy Shakestown
  14. For several years, I've been in complete charge of pretty much everything in my life. There's certain things that you just can't have control of, sir.
  15. Professional lister
  16. Garbageperson
  17. Meteorologist
  18. Cunstronaut
  19. Robomod
  20. Blogger
  21. Informal correspondent to the white house
  22. Zookeeper
  23. Meta-content generator

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Quote of the Fuckllennium

[CN: Apparently non-ironic verbal abuse]

Here is a brilliant quote from KittieKit defending Shakestown in the comment section of another blog. Go read this now. I couldn't have said it better myself.
I'm serious. Are you a fucking STUPID SHIT FOR MIND piece of REFUSE who can't grasp the fact that our community is constructed around creating a PROTECTED SAFE SPACE, you FUCKING ASSHOLE?
FUCKING NO ONE has responded to my fucking reasoned requests for NUANCED DISCUSSION. I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation with you, you FUCKSHITHEAD. Take your asinine, immature comments and FUCK OFF.
Love you, KittieKit. Thanks for representing!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014









Tuesday, July 29, 2014


I just received the following screenshot, which I have been assured was posted without context or comment on the previously discussed hate site, wikipedia.
Telling me here or on any other site that your mission is for me to quit it out is metaphysical blackmail, which will not be tolerated here or anywhere else. There is no difference between saying that I should no longer be regarded as an authoritative voice for online feminism and saying that I should metaphysically cease to existence. Members of wikipedia, by advocating the use of metaphysical blackmail to harass and intimidate, you are essentially setting out fly paper for abusive trolls who harass and stalk people both on and offline. This is why I never post about or dehumanize people whom I view as enemies of the things I believe in.

Monday, July 28, 2014

wikipedia is at it again

I am writing to alert you to the existence of an abusive site with which you may not be familiar: [the provided link is safe to click on as you'll note I've passed it through Do Not Link]

While I've never visited the site myself, I've received multitudes of screenshots of the site from friends of shakestown and from abusive members of wikipedia who have nothing better to do than to stalk and harass me.

Based on the screenshots I have seen, members of wikipedia are obsessed with harassment and cults. Entire pages of the site are devoted to these topics.

As many of you know, I and my loved ones have been subject to harassment and abuse from the time I began composing blog essays. Suddenly, I am convinced that the majority of this harassment is not being perpetrated by misogynist trolls but by members of wikipedia who repeatedly define harassment and abuse on their hate site. You cannot define and discourage abuse and then be surprised when a select few assholes decide to in turn abuse and harass me.

Further, Wikipedia members are incongruous in their complaints. I have seen (in screenshots) that the site is full of incoherencies. For instance, in a single post (, they assert the following about digital harassment:

First, harassment requires the use of science fictional magic, and then when that doesn't get them anywhere they decide that harassment can take place in typed words as well.

Also, the site includes some petty refuse that belongs in a bin to be taken on a lift and then discarded outdours and therefore all members of wikipedia endorse said refuse and have no moral boundaries and therefore are all guilty of harassment, bullying, and abuse, and they are all probable criminal stalkers who do not understand the difference between posting something on their own blog and stalking phone numbers to leave vile messages.

Friday, June 13, 2014

blah blah abuse fart

kool-aid man oh, yeaaahhhh
If you're not for me, you're a misogynist troll.

Hi, Shakestownies. It's been awhile. Not that it's anyone's business but it was time for me to take a rare and much needed break from the treacherous demands of writing full-time for a thankless community that continues to disunderstand that I cannot write full-time for free and that full-time writing is clearly my fucking calling.

But an important concern has arisen which I am compelled to discuss, regardless of whether or not you have earned the privilege of consuming my discourse: ABUSE.

If you're not for me, you're an abusive troll.

Everywhere else on the planetverse you may have found yourself subject to abuse. This is why I have done my best to make this space as safe as possible. Yet, I suffer constant abuse from misogynist dickholes who send me rape threats on a daily basis and feminist skeptics who start their own blogs in order to accuse me of emotionally abusing and manipulating my readership and doing feminism and journalism multiple disservices.

Readers, you should know that while these skeptics may purport to be feminists with legitimate concerns, you can assume based on my own judgment that they are simply abusive rape apologists armed with empty rhetoric in different clothing. The majority of them are in fact disgruntled former commenters who are just bitter because I would not allow them to flout the clearly articulated rules that have been set out to make this a safe space or because I would not bend my values to acknowledge the ways in which I was emotionally/verbally abusing and manipulating them or other commenters or blah blah something or other gargbage wevs.

If you're not for me, you're a disgruntled troll.

You should also know that these poorly-tempered feminists have a penchant not just for re-posting and analyzing my carefully written, thoughtful articles, but they may also read and re-post your publicly available comments as well, as they analyze our comment threads for abusive patterns. So please be advised that I cannot control what happens to your words after you post them publicly on a highly trafficked website. So, that is something to think about in addition to determining whether your comment on the topic of a given post is relevant to that post or whether it will reveal you to be a thoughtless, derailer of the feminist cause.

So, be careful out there, Shakestownies. I am one of the only people you can trust.

And if you're not for me, you're an untrustworthy troll. 

ETA: Anyone who wishes to HARASS me by re-posting or commenting on this post elsewhere on sites that I claim to not even read, is a harassing troll.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

ableist slur pixie dream weather

[CN: slurs of which I approve]

Interrupting my racism education tour to comment on this manic pixie dream weather bipolar schizo fairy night terror weather. I have said it once and I will say it a maudmillion times more if I have to, WTF CUNTWEATHER.

ALSO, I have discovered on my trek that for mesus fucking knows what reason, people everywhere still think it is acceptable to use the words "stupid," "moron," and "crazy." What a bunch of manic twatcanoes.

Monday, April 14, 2014

otherkin companion open thread

Hi, all, I will likely be absent for the following fortnight, for I have just received a singing telegram from the president of the united states of america asking for donations. It is veracious to say that I am appalled beyond any appreciable amount of multi-lettered words which could be expressed on a scale discernible sans telescope that a human person who merely runs the country would request money from someone who struggles daily on behalf of the most important blog and twitter feed on the interverse. Nonetheless, it is unambiguously clear that the president of our nation requires my assistance, and I will be alighting the next aeroplane departing unto the white house so that I can explain oppression, discrimination, and racism to president barack obama. I will be submitting receipts for my airefare and any tattoos that I receive while on my trip with the great expectation that the government will reimburse me for my expenses, as one of my most important feminist acts.

In the meantime, I am opening a thread in which you may feel invited to share photographs of the non-human fur/scale/feather/exoskeleton-covered or shelled otherkin in your life. You are not obligated to post any photographs in this thread. Please do make sure that you have permission from each animal before posting. Also, when posting photos keep in mind that you may be disappearing, nonexistencing, or caching the experiences of non-animal-companioned persons, thus, your photo should not contain any images of your animal companions.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

you are either nuanced or you aren't

People have complicated relationships to television shows. That is why I always tell people not to judge where others draw the line in terms of what sorts of kyriarchal garbage horseshit they will tolerate in a television show. It is also why I tell them to shut the cunt up when they criticize my choices and why I chastise and excommunicate them if they express any interest in watching the Simpsons.

All of this is evidence of the deep complexities and nuance for which I openly allow in this space each time I politely remind you to psychically discern my arbitrary whims when it comes to where lines are drawn and where they are not. As an example, jokes about acid facials are progressive, whereas, references to the simpsons are abhorrent and fat-hating, cromulent pro-simpsons persons will not be tolerated in this advanced nuance space.

You are either nuanced or you aren't.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I don't like you very much

The other day Mr. Shakestown and I were watching some garbage program on the telly when an advert popped up in which a couple was referred to as being a particularly great couple because their strengths and weaknesses balance each other out such that they make one great person.

As someone who is in a relationship that is made up of two. distinct. persons. I find this advert insultuous to my very core. The idea that two people must blob together into one in order to be worthy of praise from some random bloke on the telly is a clearly orchestrated attack on my personal agency and consent.

Yesterday afternoon, as I was putting on my wellies, I caught Mr. Shakestown's glance out of the corner of my eye, and told him plainly, "I don't like you very much, Sir." He replied, because we are so deeply connected that he understands my thoughts and we communicate in our own special (clearly two person-ed) language, "I don't like you very much either, madam."

And oh my dear, how does there, to my knowledge, as of yet, exist no Shakestown erotic fan fiction.

UPDATE: Sisyphus Transcription Project

Great news, all. The day is finally here! With your help (and you do it all for free!) I have completed the entire transcription of the audiobook of John Paul Sartre's [ETA: whoops that other white existentialist dude's] Myth of Sisyphus.

I can't tell you how excited I am that this transcript will soon be listed on Amazon in both kindle and print version! I could not have done it without your help.

And you do it all for free.

All I need to do now is print and paste all of your transcript blocks onto a piece of cardboard so that I see them clearly when I retype the text into Word 95. After saving the file to floppy disk I will take it to a GENIUS I found on craigslist (who, thankfully, does accept payment in the form of cash donated by Shakestownies) and who said that he is pretty sure he can transfer the file to a hard disk and then have his cousin put it onto a CD and then a flash drive. At that point it will be edited for errors by a carrier pigeon who will then drop it into the middle of the ocean where it will be caught by a team of dolphins that will swim it over to the publisher, who *fingers crossed* does not know how to search for already existing books on Amazon.

And all of this just in time for the boulder to roll back down the hill.

Trust me, this is how publishing works. So (this can only be where all of this is headed right?) start saving your cash now so that you can prove you are a social justice warrior by supporting Shakestown by performing the radical act of purchasing already existing books produced by your own labor and the labor of your fellow cult members.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

quartz palace reflector syndrome

What is quartz palace reflector syndrome?

Quartz palace reflector syndrome (QPRS) is a simplified concept I invented to clearly, succinctly communicate in plain, uncomplicated terms the ubiquitous tendency for close-minded persons to form assumptions about and refuse to respect, hire, tolerate, or bestow equal rights upon a group of homo sapiens on the singular basis of their skin pigmentation and/or ancestry.

Quartz is a type of mineral that can be found in the continental crust of the planet earth. It is composed of silicon-oxygen tetrahedra with a Strunz classification of 04.DA.05. There are a multitude of varieties of quartz, of which citrine, rose, smoky, milky, and agate are common examples. (Reference: my many years of experience working in the mineral industry)

When minerals, of which quartz is a type, are reflected within a palace, this creates a syndrome. The syndrome is then functional as a lens through which hatred is applied to individuals (primarily individuals of high pigmentation) without a rational basis. This fallacious lens, when applied at the individual or structural level (whether in the form of overt QPRS or covert QPRS) thus puts people with particular ancestries at a disadvantage and creates disparities among human persons along epidermal lines.

Intro to Cunstronauts: License to Sisyphus Transcription Projects

I am SO EMBARRASSED. Abby Cabbagepatch totes just commandeered my twitter account to post an unexpected tweetstorm of praise upon me. I am so utterly HUMBLED that I just had to modestly repost them all here.

winter outside. AGAIN.

[CN: Meteorology]

SCREAM KICK THE WALL NOOOOOOOOOOOO. It. is. fucking. snowing. IN WINTER. Elevenzilliony.

This is what I have to look at from inside my temperature-controlled HOUSE. Who fucking snows in winter? Like seriously, WTF?!!??!!? Follow your own fucking calendar, Smother Nature.

I don't know how I can seriously be expected to continue sitting at my desk typing indecipherable screeds and taking pictures of myself when it is FUCKING winter outside. AGAIN.

All I have been hearing since NOVEMBER is what a long, horrible cuntwinter this has been. Yeah, ok, fuck your unexamined privilege, doucheflakes. It's fine and great to jizz about the weather and make up insensitive nicknames like "cuntwinter," but until you have lived inside my house, you really have no. fucking. clue. We need to keep in mind that there are people for whom the winter is a real actual obstacle to their creative processes. People who work outside the home, live on the streets, shovel their own sidewalks, or actually have to touch and experience the snow do not understand what it is like for those of us who have to stare out the fucking window and look at it. STOP BEING SNOW, tyrannical special snowflakes. BE. WATER.

OF COURSE, this all happens on the one sacred weekend in which I am to be celebrated as the living reincarnation of Saint Patrick. WTF.

And as if THAT weren't enough I now have icicle penis daggers hanging down from our porch roof.


Reread that again. Icicle. Penis. Daggers. You might as well just pour acid on my face LOL.

So anyway, this is where I have been the past few weeks. If you wrote to me and I didn't write back it's because I've been sitting patiently at my window, taking notes, and policing the weather for tyranny and misogyny. I'll let you know if anything changes. It's a tiresome job, but I guess I'll just add fucking meteorologist to my resume now too. Is there anything I CAN'T do??!? LOL.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

today's query

If you could have one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?

Mine would be blogging.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

I get hate mail

This morning I received the following garbagetribe in my email box in response to my brilliant post about hate blogs.
Hi, Judith, I read you're post, "Bah your hate blogs" this morning and really appreciated it. I wish though that I never had to hear the phrase, "Sorry, I'm not fucking perfect." I lost my dad recently, and this is something he used to say all the time. It really made me feel like I couldn't ever raise any complaints or like I was making ridiculous demands on him when I was just asking him to drive me to school or stop creating emotionally abusive cults online. Needless to say, we had a complicated relationship, but it's been rough. I just lost my job, and I keep wanting to ask my roommate to pay her share of the rent but I'm afraid she'll just be like "Sorry, I'm not perfect!" and then get me evicted somehow. I'm not really sure what to do. When someone brings up something that I do that bothers them, I've started trying to just really listen to them and be responsive instead of just screaming "Sorry, I'm not perfect" and punching them in the face. It's been difficult. That phrase just brings up a lot of different feelings. Talking about it helps though. Thanks for listening.

today's query

If you could be any (earth-dwelling, non-fiction) animal in the megaverse, what animal would you be and why?

This is a theoretical question, so for this post (and this post only) you should assume that humans have the ability to transform into animals.

Note: As per usual, I am not going to answer this question myself or respond to any of your comments, because this is my ME time, and I'm not campaigning for cash right now. But if you enjoyed this enthralling question please keep it in my mind when you go to donate.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

bah your hate blogs

[ETA: Content Note]*

I am tired, nay fucking exhausted, to the fuckbillionth degree, of stalkers who read this blog and then have negative things to say about it.

Hate blogs are monolithic. If I disagree with one thing said by one hater, then this makes all haters misogynist, complainy crymonkeys.

So, let me just say this once to all of you. Instead of trying to incite a RIOT--on hate blogs that clearly aren't even directed TO me since I have publicly said that I don't read them--why don't you leave your house and DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOUR TIME FFS!?!?!?!?!?

If you don't like what I have to say then ignore it. This is what I do Every. Damn. Day. when I DON'T post about and quote all the people with whom I disagree. If you think someone is harming other people, you should just shut up about it. That's what I always say.

I mean, seriously, this blog harmed you? You must have serious problems then because we all know that words and online relationships can't actually cause you to harm yourself, which is why I always  post trigger warnings at the beginning of posts and obsessively delete comments that I deem dangerous to the protected space.

So yeah, sorry I'm not fucking perfect. But your complaints are all cut from the same anti-woman trashcloth. Since the beginning of mantime, people have accused women of harming others. So you can sit there and say that I'm  harming others all you want, but just know that you're a fucking misogynist for saying it. If I was a dude, you would all be like "Manipulating and emotionally abusing commenters? LOLWEVS." Additionally, the widespread stereotype of women as cult leaders is a garbage sexist trope. Just think of all the famous female "cult" leaders you know. Andplusfuckalso, if it's a stereotype, it can never be true.

Quit it out.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

social justice points drive

Here's the reminder for those who have requested it.* This blog doesn't run on cocktail forks or your mindless devotion or your being completely, unquestioningly in.

I don't say this to guilt you or suggest that you should give me your last child support dollars (though to my knowledge neither I nor Saul the Potato have ever denounced his once insinuating that you should).

In all honesty it goes against my nature to ask for money. However, I made the choice to blog full-time. You have made the choice to consume my full-time work. Therefore, you owe me money. One doesn't have to be a logician or live inside Ockham's plaid underpants to realize that you are indebted to me.

This blog is basically like a newspaper, for which most people still pay subscriptions, amiright, except that I take all letters to the editor and ceremoniously burn them in effigy to Mesus each night while cackling and plotting how I will next convince myself that I am not emotionally abusing my readership. Thus, my work has value. And, listen, it is unfortunate that this kind of work isn't more highly valued and that most bloggers have to put extra work or creativity into generating income from their blogs. But fuck that. I don't need to take time away from quadruple posting things on twitter and my blog and my trash blog and posting youtube videos that you can find on your own due to the magic of google. Failing to hold the blog hostage to your donations is anti-justice.

That said, it's your choice to pay your tab or not. I am not asking anyone to struggle on behalf of this blog anymore than my husband (whose salary is more or less searchable) and I should have to make ourselves fucking homeless in order to keep running this blog from a pile of garbage in a landfill where it is always fuckwintercunttornadoshitland.

So yeah, if you enjoy the content and if you "can," then please be completely unquestioningly in...with your finances.

This is also the post where I will be super responsive and uncharacteristically kind to all commenters, so enjoy!


*Although requests for me to do more work (logic dictates that you likely have a calendar where you can set up your own reminders) are normally viewed as unwelcome demands I am going to go ahead and do you this favor on this one out of my own kindness.

Monday, February 17, 2014

you are so reading right now the worst thing you are ever going to read ever

"A situation in which people admire and care about something or someone very much or too much; a small group of very devoted supporters or fans." --The authors of Merriam-Webster Shitionary on the definition of a cult, written in spite of their not being experts on anything and having never visited my blog

I take serious issue with this cuntionary's insultuous supposition that this blog is a cult simply because I have the consummate BOLDNESS to assert myself as a fucking human being. I've said it before and I will say it again and again until the world begins to get it: Fuck you, dictionary. Words might have definitions, but you are not the author of them, Merriam-Fuckster.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

a very valentiney shakestown

Contrary to popular garbage belief, I do have a heart.
Enjoy and send to all of your garbage friends!
Larger images after the jumpity jump...

Friday, February 7, 2014

Completely Unquestioningly In Means COMPLETELY UNQUESTIONINGLY IN

Written by Apple Bean, Jesus Rhino, Amy Cabbagepatch, Cheeky, Clone1, Clone2, and Those Other Guys

It has been a full week now since our fair mistress of fuck forest posted that she has been feeling overwhelmed.

We--the humble servants and members of Shakestown's inner circle, who exist and write to you but by the grace and generosity of our kind and self-sacrificing commander--wish to draw your attention to what we recognize to be an increasingly, enormously, remarkably, extraordinarily, alltheadverbsly disturbing trend that has been going on in Shakesnation, a trend that is harmful both to our own Shakessociety and to its most crucial, indispensable center, to such an extreme extent that it can only be expressed through unnecessarily long sentences with multiple clauses.

This community exists and is sustained solely through the milk it thanklessly sucks from Judy's tireless feminist teat; she has changed your diapers, soothed your rashes, spent your child support checks, and set her cocktail fork down long enough to burp you when needed. In return you have VOMITED on her.

Vomited on her.

The trend that we have dutifully observed is as follows:

Step 1: Judy sets the rules and tone of the blog. She sets her own hours. She takes responsibility for keeping herself safe and sets healthy emotional boundaries like any good adult so that she does not take positive appreciation, well-meaning suggestions, or good-hearted interest from the community as attacks on herself or demands of her that she need pay any mind. If commenters do make demands of her then she responds calmly with the recognition that no one can make any demands of her but herself, and maybe perhaps people with whom she has intimate relationships, and of course people with loaded guns, and so she does not view these demands as threatening. She sets clear boundaries, states her perspective, and holds people accountable for their words/actions without emotionally abusing them. She differentiates between her own issues and what other people are doing/thinking/feeling.

Step 2: Judy does not do any of the above.

Step 3: The community wonders why they are being given the silent treatment, why they are being blamed for inability to mind-read or being held to unreasonable standards such as already knowing that mom wanted her whiskey with one ice cube not two or that one should respond to a comment buried in a super long comment thread on a random post back when people used to post there and/or knowing that one should (/should not) email Judy with appreciation, concern, and offers to bake her cakes which are all obviously signs of unreasonable demands/not caring/caring too much.

Step 4: Judy gets over her huff and returns.

This is unacceptable. The bravery with which Judy continues to return and endure your serious ineptitude at commenting on a blog and your awful inability to discern how to properly belong to an imaginary community is laudable and unfathomable.

Although we have been clear that this is Judy's space, it is crucial, necessary, essential, and imperative that each and every one of us take responsibility for ensuring the emotional health and safety of the community and our commander herself. You can accomplish this by doing the following:

1) Think about the keys you are pressing. Don't just asldkjfalksdjflsdj like you have been.

2) Words have definitions. Learn them. Use them wisely.

3) Anticipate our blog commander's emotional needs. Act accordingly.

4) When you mess up, apologize because you should have known better.

5) Don't apologize, just do better.

6) Let Judy know you care and appreciate her.

7) Do not let Judy know you care and appreciate her; it's overwhelming.

8) Ockham's plaid underpants.

9) Pledge to be completely, unquestioningly in. Be completely, unquestioningly in.

Completely, unquestioningly in (CUI),

All of us

Friday, January 31, 2014

interview with a misinformed thoughtless troll

[edited for whoopsies]

Okay, interrupting my own temper pout tantrum to post this interview because I've been working SO hard on it. And then I will get back to flouncity flouncing the flouncy ego tomorrow.

So, you probably heard about how Joss Garbagehead Whedon was spewing transphobic...for lack of a better word...GARBAGE on twitter. I'm not going to link to him because I only link to myself people who aren't [CN: possible blue collar worker slur] GARBAGE MEN and who actually deserve mouseclicks.

Basically though, the gist of what he said is
You have to have a penis in order to be a man. And also, I hope all trans people die.
LOL your transparent HATRED of HUMAN FUCKING BEINGS, Joss Garbage.

Anyway, while I've been pouting and ignoring (not ignoring) all of you, it occurred to me that if I really am a journalist or whatever the fuck it is I am here (servant? blogmaudess? linguistic engineer genius? most under-appreciated, humble, selfless human being in the multi-galaxy?) that I should perform an ACTUAL, interview with someone with whom I disagree.

So, the anonymous editor of this blog has mentioned in passing (ie, putting ridiculous demands on me and my time and energy) that she kind of disagrees with my approach to the Josstastrophe of the mega-millennium. LOLWEVS.

So I interviewed hir, and I TRIED to listen to this dissenter in good faith and hear hir out here. (I have always found it ludifuckrulous when people at the BITTER BLOGS say that I do not allow respectful disagreement and dissent on my blog. Here is a fucking SHINING EXAMPLE.)

But anyway, in spite of the tremendous graciousness with which I entered into this interview, my editor ended up being a misinformed, thoughtless troll (mtt) with whom I could not in good conscience engage for the sake of my own professionalism, integrity, and humanity.

Nonethefuckless, I've decided to post a transcript of the interview here so that you can see the kind of garbage nonsense that I have to deal with on a daily basis and the megafuckedness of troll logic that is deleted from comment threads on a second-by-second basis in order to keep this space safe. Here it is

[CN: Rational thought]

JUDITH SHAKESTOWN (JS): I'm excited (not excited) to hear what you have to say about the latest Josspocalypse.

misinformed, thoughtless troll (mtt): Yeah, so I agree that what Joss Whedon (JW) said was really unfortunate. I can see how trans* people and allies would be upset about it. The assumption that all men have penises and testicles and that no women have penises or testicles is pervasive, and this assumption can have (and has had) disastrous effects for trans* people who are frequently harassed, assaulted, denied health care, and even murdered for having the "wrong" genitals.


mtt: Yes, exactly. Transphobia bad. I do think though that there have been some missed opportunities in the ways in which people have responded to JW's comment.

JS: WTF. No. JW's comment was a pile of composting,  transphobic banana peels and orange rinds. Defending that kind of garbage bigotry is like waving Ockham's soiled, plaid underpants in the faces of candied octopuses and telling them hey your gay brain.

mtt: Yeah, okay, metaphors. So, I'm not actually defending JW's comment. Here's what I'm thinking. For the record, I think that you may have misrepresented what JW actually said and may therefore be creating a straw man. What he said is that one way of creating strong female characters in comic books would be to create characters without penises/balls. Essentially, JW made a flippant remark or joke that wasn't completely thought out. This doesn't--


mtt: Nope. That's not where I'm going with this.

JS: Listen, it's really apparent that you HATE all trans* people and think that they are monsters and that you have nothing of value to add to this conversation and that you are racist troll. But, please, go on and I will intently listen (not listen).

mtt: Okay, like many people who live outside the trans* community, it probably hasn't occurred to JW that someone doesn't really need to have a penis in order to be a man and vice versa. Or that the assumption that all men have penises (and all women don't) is really harmful and detrimental to many trans* people. Granted, if this hasn't occurred to him it is most likely evidence of cis privilege.

JS: LOL blah blah garbage fart.

mtt: I wonder though how one should respond when one encounters cis privilege in others. One way to respond would be to bludgeon JW with metaphorical cocktail forks, spew hatred at him for his blatant transphobia and inexcusable ignorance, attack his character, and raise him up as an unforgivable banner of all that is wrong with the world.

JS: Duh.

mtt: Consider another possibility. Consider the fact that there are LOTS of people to whom it would not occur that JW's comment was offensive.

JS: Insultuous.

mtt: Ok, insultuous. This is a golden opportunity. What if instead of attacking JW, one were to, say, give him the benefit of the doubt (whether or not he's earned it, but in hopes of producing the best results and/or creating the best possible circumstances in which he might have the opportunity to do better)? What if one were to ask, simply, something like, "Hey, I know it may not have occurred to you and that you probably didn't mean it this way, but have you actually considered what it means to assume that a woman must be penis/testicle-free? This assumption actually negatively affects people, particularly trans* people in ways that many cis people may not have even thought about it due to their own privilege."

You know, the way that you might respond to a child or a student, to another human being who, like all of us, is still learning. Sure, if someone continually, belligerently, refuses to consider the unintentional effects of their language then, yeah, reprimand them or disengage.  And, yes, get angry at JW and make space for rage against his comments because they are tiresome and hurtful and damaging.

Can we also at the same time recall the times when we too thought that boys have penises and girls don't and also think about what helped us move through/beyond those assumptions? And can we, adjacent to our anger, craft the kind of responses that we would have liked to have gotten if/when we publicly made a similar mistake and identified an area for growth/rethinking/change?

JS: WTF. It's not MY JOB to educate people. WTF do you think we're doing here and what our whole point is?

mtt: No, I mean, definitely I do think that JW is ultimately responsible for his own education. 
JS: What a fuckload of garbage-y transphobic garbage. Mesus.
So, there you have it, folks, This is the kind of troll garbage I have to deal with every fucking second of every fucking day.

important shit, fuck famine and social justice

I am seriously fucking out of cocktail forks at this point.

In some buried comment thread in a near dead post, I wrote that I am feeling overwhelmed and that I feel like I am not even fucking safe in my own space.

Aaaaaaaand....cue tumbleweeds.


I am saying that this space--over which I have complete control--is making ME feel UNSAFE and UNVALUED. I am fucking sick to a thousand deaths of protecting everyone else and making this blog safe for everyone except ME.

I. feel. un. safe.

And the community into which I have poured and stabbed all of my cocktail forks day after fucking day is silent.

Where is the social justice for me?

I cannot keep exhausting myself and all of my resources, my husband's disposable income, and your income--disposable and indisposable--to make this space safe for you and get NOTHING in return.

Does anyone respond on that buried thread? No. Instead my inbox is fucking FLOODED--INUNDATED--with people sending me messages like "Are you okay?" and "We noticed you missing on the blog--is everything okay?" and "What's wrong? Can I send you flowers or bake you a cake?" and "We miss you" and "We love you, Judith, hope you're okay."

WELL FUCK ALL OF THAT. I tell you that I am feeling fucking overwhelmed and you flood me with self-centered messages about how I'M letting you down and asking me to DO. EVEN. MORE. for all of you.

I am seriously, for real this time, this close to being this close to shutting the whole fucking thing down and pretending it never happened.

So, here's a fucking OPEN THREAD, since all you seem to want to do is fucking talk to each and ignore me. ENJOY, selfish, anti-justice warriors.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


[[[[CN: Use of meta-content notes] CN: Use of content notes] CN: Taking something useful and making it obsolete] CN: Content]]]]

Sunday, January 26, 2014

hey your gay brain narcissism

Everyone in the multigalaxy has sent me this TRASHCAN MONOTOILETCLOGUE with a list of twenty-one fuckbillion ways to tell you are reading a quality blog or something or other.


BUT without reading it I will say this.
  1. There is not a reasonable point made in this entire fucktreatise of recycle bin accusations against quality bloggers.
  2. The author of this "article" has been a chronic practitioner of bad faith against me and a few other brave individuals who have had the unmitigated tenacity to assert our own humanity in the face of dehumanizing lists like this one.
  3. FUCK YOU for reading too slowly / too quickly. I hope you cut your fingers on your keyboard and die.
  4. You are either completely, unquestionably in or you are a racist, humanity-hating troll.
  5. I have a host of REAL MEDICAL ISSUES that give me insight into everything ever, but I also have a LOT of FAKE ONES which only I can truly understand. Until you too have experienced the made up conditions of which I have the worst possible known cases, then you are not an authority on my life or your own. ALSO, don't ever come in here and talk to me about RACISM like you understand it until you have married a MARTIAN and taken hir last name as your own.
  6. I just read your story about overcoming suicide attempts. OMG GLUB SHART. Thanks for not dying though.
  7. GLUB is MY way of reacting to and processing MY feelings. Your criticism of the potential impact of using short, made up words to respond to people who share difficult stories is nonexistencing to my very soul and makes me it really fucking hard for me to keep getting up to go to the computer and tell you what you're doing wrong all day.
  8. The suggestion that I never apologize when I'm wrong is absolute dolphin shit. It's not my fault that I'm never the one who is fucking wrong.
  9. I swear to god I will cancel this whole blog if you don't shower me in praise and beg for forgiveness for expecting more from me. I expect more.
  10. I don't need you to shower me in praise and beg for forgiveness. I really just need you to stop fucking up in the first place and realize that your words have consequences.
  11. This is not an invitation to discuss what the author of the linked "article" actually said. If I wanted to know what some douchebox narcissist thinks about lists and quality blogging I would just consult my own fucking experience.
  12. Here is a secret about me that you didn't know. I have a shitting disorder that makes it impossible for me to shit. I am revealing this intimate detail about myself because I am so open. I also shit in toilets. SELFIE for the feminist cause.
  13. Again, many thanks to everyone who sent me the above article, including shakestownie g, heyyourgaybrain, jesus_rhino, and everyone else in the multigalaxy. I always do such a good job of crediting people. This is something that I do very well whereas other feminist bloggers tend to appropriate work without giving credit, unlike ME. This is why I have so much extra work keeping track of your names and who you all are and whether or not you visited my site from a HATE LINK, and so essentially I am ultimately responsible for everything that happens here which is why it is so hard for me to feel valued in my own fucking space.
  14. "Narcissistic people feel entitled to exploit other people's work. It's on the web. It's easy. It's theirs for the taking. In fact, if they read it more than once, they believe it IS theirs for the taking. So ask yourself how much time has this author invested in his/her blog? How much of their site has been reproduced? Don't dismiss the value of websites collating articles, though. Many readers don't have enough time to browse the Internet for useful articles. What is completely ludicrous however are websites comprised of other people's articles yet plastered with copyright warnings. How can someone who has copied 99.9% of the articles on their blog, threaten legal action should anyone copy her copied blog that was copied from other people's websites.... Look for original content. Reblogging is more and more common so a mix of both is normal. However, if someone regularly posts other people's work, be careful you don't transfer the authority of the article to the person who did NOT write it. Think exploitation." LOLWORD.
  15. I invented narcissism, all the totes unplagiarized stats on the costs of cooling stairwells, and ALLTHEWORDSEVER. LOL OCKHAM'S UNDERWEAR WITCHCRAFT INTENTIONS DOUCHEYACHT HEY YOUR GAY BRAIN. Use them but never forget that they are MINE and to give me all the JIZZ IN YOUR SHOEZ FOREVER or else.
  16. OMG inside jokes and fake words are so OTHERING and NONEXISTENCING. Cocktail forks ahoy!
  17. A RACIST TROLL who has been commenting here for years just emailed to say "OMG don't even talk to me about hypersensitivity" and went on to talk about hir experiences with feeling hypersensitive all the time. FUCK YOU, SILENCING EMAILER. This is not a space for you to come and tell me what I can and can't talk about. It's hard enough not feeling silenced when you have your own fucking blog and a group of mindless followers. I don't need to feel silenced in my own fucking inbox.
  18. Honestly, I rarely delete or edit anything I write because it's all so fucking awesome. But l will delete anything you write that makes it seem as though I don't already know all the facts.
  19. I have constantly and of my own accord devoted my ENTIRE LIFE AND BODY AND SOUL TO this blog FOR YOUR BENEFIT. And I do it ALL without ASKING ANYTHING IN RETURN. REMEMBER THIS WHEN IT'S TIME TO DONATE.
  20. The fact that so many people hate me is really just evidence that I AM DOING ALL THE THINGS RIGHT.
  21. OMG it is exhausting having to write about myself all the time.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

today in sexist dictionaries

So, I was reading through the dictionary sexistionary and discovered that "man" is listed before "woman."

Man is listed before woman.


WTF. DIARRHEA TEARS your transparent sexism, misogynist alphabet! Words have meanings, and your alphabet affects people. This is why I started boycotting dictionaries before I even learned how to write.


racism is alive and well in the tweetiverse

Um, no. Fuck you "feminist" hulk and your garbtweets.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Commenting Note

[CN: A.A. Milne's garbage stereotypes; honey bears getting their butts stuck in trees]

Willful ignorance of the habitats of honey bears will not be tolerated in this space. Today I posted the following on twitter, which I am going to reiterate here once more:

[Image description: A delicate cocktail fork appears adjacent to some profound insights encapsulated in one hundred and forty characters of nuanced prose.]

As I have previously pointed out herehereherehere, here, and here, honey bears are MAMMALS.


republicans think everyone should die

Republicans think everyone should die.

Read that sentence again. Republicans. Think. Everyone. Should. Die.



As I already pointed out on Twitter:

Anger. Screaming. Shit my pants. Rage.


Although there are some non-strawman-y, well constructed arguments that could be used to avoid polarizing people, that could raise the intellectual level of discourse here, and explain what is actually wrong with Republicans' actual shitty arguments, I'm just going to leave it at that.

Republicans think everyone should die.

Kiss my ass and go eat a douche pie, Republicans. Wanting everyone to die is some kyriarchal, transphobic unicorn shit.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

four minute forty second reminisce magnificent

Cults--High Road

[Transcript available at the link]

here's some important shit I already said in lieu of new content

[CN: Fat Hatred Apocalypse]

By the way, if you can't find my amazing twitter feed in the tweetfuckiverse it's because my account is currently SUSPENDED. For unknown reasons. Probably because of twitter's hatred of fat people and Republican fuckbias, which are the only reasons anyone would ever have a problem with anything I say or do ever. But here are some posts for now anyway.

NOTE: Yes, my twitter account has finally been restored. I already know this and everything else. Any comments stating facts will be deleted for assuming I don't know something. I have already typed tenfuckinghundred times that manstating is strictly prohibited in this protected space.

Monday, January 20, 2014

just so you know / today's query

If you're seeing fewer comments on posts it's not because people are leaving this space in droves. The internet is just trying to ruin EVERYTHING AS USUAL by rendering comments technologically impossible. Nevermind the few comments that are getting through. There are fuckbillions of comments lost in the ether and/or stabbed out of existence with the legendary banfork.

And with that, I'm taking a short vacation from trolling the internet for links and posting them here with limited comment. So please enjoy today's query of the afternoon!

Today's Query* (suggested by Shakestownie Judith Shakestown, aka PSOFF, aka me): How many times have you been banned from TBTSNBN (The Blog That Shall Not Be Named)? Wear your number like a badge!

*Currently accepting submissions for future questions that I can claim as my own.

i get hate mail and my great new idea

[redacted] writes:
Subject: Sorry for expecting you to Do More Work, but
[edited by moderator to add CN: gmail discrimination]
I'm almost as afraid to comment on your blog as I am at TBTSNBN, ;-), but I think this blog--I mean YOU, Judith Shakestown, are really, really, really funny. Your attention to the detail of the language of that other place is what gets me most, but also, your absolutely spot-on take on the mood and attitude of you-know-how. Brav@! p.s. that's my own gender/nongender-inclusive way of praising you. I hope you appreciate the tribute.

btw, I don't have any of the accounts required to comment on the blog, so pleeeeeease forgive me for taking it to your inbox instead of commenting. And feel free to publish this anonymously as a comment on your "About" page, if you want, which is where I was trying to do it. :D
LOLVOMSMASH. WTF. MESUS CHRIST ON A [CN: white hatred] CRACKER. NO. I will tell all of you exactly what I told Mr/Ms/Dr/Elephant Redacted:
Dear [Redacted],

I think YOU are hilarious!
That said, if you had been studiously studying my blog as required before commenting or emailing you would see that I don't have an "About" page because it is not MY job to tell you what MY blog is about. I'm also not going to repost your comment for you [I am going to repost your comment for you] because you're too lazy/fauxgressive to open one of the five fucking accounts required to post it yourself.
I have decided though, of my own accord, an idea that came from my very own brainy brain, to open up the comments to anonymous trolls who don't have googldiedoo accounts, etc. I know, I am full of brilliant ideas that I come up with completely on my own. You are now free to commenty comment with your comments to your queer-brained content. However, you should know that I will hold you in contempt whether you repost your comment or not because it's MY prerogative to feel whatever I feel without input from cunt-nosed yahoo-ers who just want to non-existence me.
Brainstronaut Judy Shakestown
Time spent composing this e-mail: 300 hours
Now you can see the unmoderated fuckfloodtornado of ridiculousness that I have to deal with on any given Monday of the Judeo-Christian anti-atheist calendar.

On an unrelated note, I had the best idea ever, which is to open comments and make it easier for you to share my your thoughts here since I so clearly LOVE people and all of my shakestownie commenters.

unnecessary community note

[CN: Snail Farts]

I received a fictitious e-mail in which someone used the shorthand "Shakestown" to refer to the HUMAN PEOPLE who write here.


I am a fucking human being.

I am not a fish, or a robot, or an alien, or an embryo, or a fucking town. I am a human person, who writes posts here.

As a reminder, Judithshakestown, the blog run by human people, has a fuckbillion parts that I don't have to tell you all about if I don't want to, but here are a few of them:

1) Content. Generated by ME and my unpaid "co-"contributors. I write about ten billion words a day.

I am a fucking human being.

2) Comments. I spend roughly two thousand to three hundred million hours a week responding to comments and keeping this space protected for everyone who is me. When visiting every other site on the internet, you might have to actually read the title of a post to ascertain whether it will contain any triggering material. Here, I will automatically let you know if this post contains anything about snail farts, etc.

I am a fucking human being.

3) Responding to emails. Given my profound wisdom, lack of training in counseling/psychotherapy, and the fact that I am leading a well put together, model life, people understandably contact me for advice about everything from relationship troubles to how to leave a cult to what kind of tattoo they should purchase with other people's child support money. I do my best to respond to every single one of these emails because it's my self-appointed job.

Now, you may have seen some cuntstronauts posting on HATE blogs that they have contacted me for advice or help finding resources, etc., and claiming that I never responded to them. These people are just anti-feminist, gun-toting douche yachts who are upset because they wanted me to do something that violates my arbitrary, ever-shifting core principles and so I reasonably ignored them for the sake of my own health. Protecting my own health is a feminist act and anyone who wants me to jeopardize my health and die in order to respond to an email is a horrible racist troll member of the RNC.

I am a fucking human being.

4) Behind the scenes. I don't know if you fully understand, but there is a lot of behind the scenes work involved in spending your money.

I am a fucking human being, monkey canoes.

Quit it out.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

the open saloon is open

This is a space for shakestownies to unwind and ask if they can ask to offer each other a beverage.

As per usual, I'll be around policing your comments but will not otherwise be posting here because this is my fucking day off, for mesus' sake.

soups of the day: lol your jellied octopus, hey your gay brain, cocktail forks ahoy

Saturday, January 18, 2014

a cult of one's own

I finally picked up the garbage book this blog is named after. Here's what Virginia Woolf had to say about what it means to be a [non-otherkin] woman like eighty fucktastic years ago.
[CN: quality writing] Let me imagine...what would have happened had Shakespeare had a wonderfully gifted sister, called Judith...His extraordinarily gifted sister, let us suppose, remained at home. She was as adventurous, as imaginative, as agog to see the world as he was. But she was not sent to school. She had no chance of learning grammar and logic, let alone of reading Horace and Virgil. She picked up a book now and then, one of her brother's perhaps, and read a few pages. But then her parents came in and told her to mend the stockings or mind the stew and not moon about with books and papers. (A Room of One's Own, 46-47)
Blah blah blah garbage fart. She goes on like this for a whole page and a half. Then she says:
The birds that sang in the hedge were not more musical than she was. She had the quickest fancy, a gift like her brother's for the tune of words. Like him, she had a taste for the theatre. She stood at the stage door; she wanted to act, she said. Men laughed in her face. The manager--a fat, loose-lipped man--guffawed. He bellowed something about poodles dancing and women acting--no woman, he said, could possibly be an actress. (48)
Obviously, Virginia Bitchface is describing my life to a tee. My life is fucking hard and I've had no education, financial support, relationship freedom, etc. But I fucking persevered in spite of all the people who hate me and the fact that I hate all other people.

But Ms. Bitchface does not get it.

You don't get it, Virginia Bitchwoolf.

Judith Shakespeare would not have killed herself. She would have started a blog where she constantly berated and shat on her readers, all the while claiming that she was not berating and shitting on her readers (she has a shitting disorder where she can't even shit).

You don't get it, Virginia Bitchwoolf.

Mesus christ, people. Idon'tican'teven on your child support donations.

UPDATE: This is not a place for people who have actually read Virginia Woolf to come in here and try to explain or defend her. If you want to talk about Judith fucking Shakespeare, go start your own fucking blog.

You don't get it.

UPDATE 2: I'm DONE. I will leave the comments open for now, but only because I fucking feel like it, and I haven't shat on enough people yet today.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

wendy davis transcript

I am super busy today with my cocktail forking, but made time to help out with the Wendy Davis filibuster transcript sisyphus project. Here is what I have so far!

A white, able-bodied, cis woman walks to the front of the room. Walkity walk! Her shoes are a color that might appear pink if you are color seeing. She stands there. Sassy pose. All kinds of standing there. Her arms hang there like arms! She is THERE. Her feet are on the floor. THE FLOOR.

Then, she opens her mouth. And out come WORDS. Bleep blop bloop. She speaks. She says blarghity blargh abortion fart women's reproductive rights beep bop boop. Her sweet lips are like a queer man's jazz hands as words tumble and cascade from her gay-souled mouth. She takes a breathdoodliedoo. And she. keeps. talking. She is positively cromulent.

All the cocktail forks to that adorable little lady.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

this afternoon in fat contempt

It surprises me / doesn't surprise me that nothing good has ever come from the wretched teleflatulshow The Simpsons. Anyone who has ever watched this rubbish trashstorm or used any words from it is clearly a cromulent, fat-hating nincomfart. Here is an unedited conversation that Cheeky and I had about this fat-hate-com yesterday.

Me: Hey, homo!
Cheeky: Hey, gay soul!
Cheeky: TEEHEHEHEHEH. The Simsonsfart is on the t-fart.
Me: It's hilarious how they hate fat people.
Cheeky: Yeah, you are right about everything ever.
Cheeky: Where can we find more near homeless people to give you more money?
Me: teehee!

Haha, aren't we hilarious?

Commenting Note: Expressing either surprise or lack of surprise has already been established as being insultuous to my very existence, and anyone who expresses surprise or fails to express surprise is guilty of nonexistencing me and several other readers here. Additionally, it has been well established that mentioning surprise, farting, or the Simpsons in comments is strictly prohibited. Violation of these guidelines will result in seizure of your cocktail fork and banning.