Friday, January 31, 2014

interview with a misinformed thoughtless troll

[edited for whoopsies]

Okay, interrupting my own temper pout tantrum to post this interview because I've been working SO hard on it. And then I will get back to flouncity flouncing the flouncy ego tomorrow.

So, you probably heard about how Joss Garbagehead Whedon was spewing transphobic...for lack of a better word...GARBAGE on twitter. I'm not going to link to him because I only link to myself people who aren't [CN: possible blue collar worker slur] GARBAGE MEN and who actually deserve mouseclicks.

Basically though, the gist of what he said is
You have to have a penis in order to be a man. And also, I hope all trans people die.
LOL your transparent HATRED of HUMAN FUCKING BEINGS, Joss Garbage.

Anyway, while I've been pouting and ignoring (not ignoring) all of you, it occurred to me that if I really am a journalist or whatever the fuck it is I am here (servant? blogmaudess? linguistic engineer genius? most under-appreciated, humble, selfless human being in the multi-galaxy?) that I should perform an ACTUAL, interview with someone with whom I disagree.

So, the anonymous editor of this blog has mentioned in passing (ie, putting ridiculous demands on me and my time and energy) that she kind of disagrees with my approach to the Josstastrophe of the mega-millennium. LOLWEVS.

So I interviewed hir, and I TRIED to listen to this dissenter in good faith and hear hir out here. (I have always found it ludifuckrulous when people at the BITTER BLOGS say that I do not allow respectful disagreement and dissent on my blog. Here is a fucking SHINING EXAMPLE.)

But anyway, in spite of the tremendous graciousness with which I entered into this interview, my editor ended up being a misinformed, thoughtless troll (mtt) with whom I could not in good conscience engage for the sake of my own professionalism, integrity, and humanity.

Nonethefuckless, I've decided to post a transcript of the interview here so that you can see the kind of garbage nonsense that I have to deal with on a daily basis and the megafuckedness of troll logic that is deleted from comment threads on a second-by-second basis in order to keep this space safe. Here it is

[CN: Rational thought]

JUDITH SHAKESTOWN (JS): I'm excited (not excited) to hear what you have to say about the latest Josspocalypse.

misinformed, thoughtless troll (mtt): Yeah, so I agree that what Joss Whedon (JW) said was really unfortunate. I can see how trans* people and allies would be upset about it. The assumption that all men have penises and testicles and that no women have penises or testicles is pervasive, and this assumption can have (and has had) disastrous effects for trans* people who are frequently harassed, assaulted, denied health care, and even murdered for having the "wrong" genitals.


mtt: Yes, exactly. Transphobia bad. I do think though that there have been some missed opportunities in the ways in which people have responded to JW's comment.

JS: WTF. No. JW's comment was a pile of composting,  transphobic banana peels and orange rinds. Defending that kind of garbage bigotry is like waving Ockham's soiled, plaid underpants in the faces of candied octopuses and telling them hey your gay brain.

mtt: Yeah, okay, metaphors. So, I'm not actually defending JW's comment. Here's what I'm thinking. For the record, I think that you may have misrepresented what JW actually said and may therefore be creating a straw man. What he said is that one way of creating strong female characters in comic books would be to create characters without penises/balls. Essentially, JW made a flippant remark or joke that wasn't completely thought out. This doesn't--


mtt: Nope. That's not where I'm going with this.

JS: Listen, it's really apparent that you HATE all trans* people and think that they are monsters and that you have nothing of value to add to this conversation and that you are racist troll. But, please, go on and I will intently listen (not listen).

mtt: Okay, like many people who live outside the trans* community, it probably hasn't occurred to JW that someone doesn't really need to have a penis in order to be a man and vice versa. Or that the assumption that all men have penises (and all women don't) is really harmful and detrimental to many trans* people. Granted, if this hasn't occurred to him it is most likely evidence of cis privilege.

JS: LOL blah blah garbage fart.

mtt: I wonder though how one should respond when one encounters cis privilege in others. One way to respond would be to bludgeon JW with metaphorical cocktail forks, spew hatred at him for his blatant transphobia and inexcusable ignorance, attack his character, and raise him up as an unforgivable banner of all that is wrong with the world.

JS: Duh.

mtt: Consider another possibility. Consider the fact that there are LOTS of people to whom it would not occur that JW's comment was offensive.

JS: Insultuous.

mtt: Ok, insultuous. This is a golden opportunity. What if instead of attacking JW, one were to, say, give him the benefit of the doubt (whether or not he's earned it, but in hopes of producing the best results and/or creating the best possible circumstances in which he might have the opportunity to do better)? What if one were to ask, simply, something like, "Hey, I know it may not have occurred to you and that you probably didn't mean it this way, but have you actually considered what it means to assume that a woman must be penis/testicle-free? This assumption actually negatively affects people, particularly trans* people in ways that many cis people may not have even thought about it due to their own privilege."

You know, the way that you might respond to a child or a student, to another human being who, like all of us, is still learning. Sure, if someone continually, belligerently, refuses to consider the unintentional effects of their language then, yeah, reprimand them or disengage.  And, yes, get angry at JW and make space for rage against his comments because they are tiresome and hurtful and damaging.

Can we also at the same time recall the times when we too thought that boys have penises and girls don't and also think about what helped us move through/beyond those assumptions? And can we, adjacent to our anger, craft the kind of responses that we would have liked to have gotten if/when we publicly made a similar mistake and identified an area for growth/rethinking/change?

JS: WTF. It's not MY JOB to educate people. WTF do you think we're doing here and what our whole point is?

mtt: No, I mean, definitely I do think that JW is ultimately responsible for his own education. 
JS: What a fuckload of garbage-y transphobic garbage. Mesus.
So, there you have it, folks, This is the kind of troll garbage I have to deal with every fucking second of every fucking day.

important shit, fuck famine and social justice

I am seriously fucking out of cocktail forks at this point.

In some buried comment thread in a near dead post, I wrote that I am feeling overwhelmed and that I feel like I am not even fucking safe in my own space.

Aaaaaaaand....cue tumbleweeds.


I am saying that this space--over which I have complete control--is making ME feel UNSAFE and UNVALUED. I am fucking sick to a thousand deaths of protecting everyone else and making this blog safe for everyone except ME.

I. feel. un. safe.

And the community into which I have poured and stabbed all of my cocktail forks day after fucking day is silent.

Where is the social justice for me?

I cannot keep exhausting myself and all of my resources, my husband's disposable income, and your income--disposable and indisposable--to make this space safe for you and get NOTHING in return.

Does anyone respond on that buried thread? No. Instead my inbox is fucking FLOODED--INUNDATED--with people sending me messages like "Are you okay?" and "We noticed you missing on the blog--is everything okay?" and "What's wrong? Can I send you flowers or bake you a cake?" and "We miss you" and "We love you, Judith, hope you're okay."

WELL FUCK ALL OF THAT. I tell you that I am feeling fucking overwhelmed and you flood me with self-centered messages about how I'M letting you down and asking me to DO. EVEN. MORE. for all of you.

I am seriously, for real this time, this close to being this close to shutting the whole fucking thing down and pretending it never happened.

So, here's a fucking OPEN THREAD, since all you seem to want to do is fucking talk to each and ignore me. ENJOY, selfish, anti-justice warriors.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


[[[[CN: Use of meta-content notes] CN: Use of content notes] CN: Taking something useful and making it obsolete] CN: Content]]]]

Sunday, January 26, 2014

hey your gay brain narcissism

Everyone in the multigalaxy has sent me this TRASHCAN MONOTOILETCLOGUE with a list of twenty-one fuckbillion ways to tell you are reading a quality blog or something or other.


BUT without reading it I will say this.
  1. There is not a reasonable point made in this entire fucktreatise of recycle bin accusations against quality bloggers.
  2. The author of this "article" has been a chronic practitioner of bad faith against me and a few other brave individuals who have had the unmitigated tenacity to assert our own humanity in the face of dehumanizing lists like this one.
  3. FUCK YOU for reading too slowly / too quickly. I hope you cut your fingers on your keyboard and die.
  4. You are either completely, unquestionably in or you are a racist, humanity-hating troll.
  5. I have a host of REAL MEDICAL ISSUES that give me insight into everything ever, but I also have a LOT of FAKE ONES which only I can truly understand. Until you too have experienced the made up conditions of which I have the worst possible known cases, then you are not an authority on my life or your own. ALSO, don't ever come in here and talk to me about RACISM like you understand it until you have married a MARTIAN and taken hir last name as your own.
  6. I just read your story about overcoming suicide attempts. OMG GLUB SHART. Thanks for not dying though.
  7. GLUB is MY way of reacting to and processing MY feelings. Your criticism of the potential impact of using short, made up words to respond to people who share difficult stories is nonexistencing to my very soul and makes me it really fucking hard for me to keep getting up to go to the computer and tell you what you're doing wrong all day.
  8. The suggestion that I never apologize when I'm wrong is absolute dolphin shit. It's not my fault that I'm never the one who is fucking wrong.
  9. I swear to god I will cancel this whole blog if you don't shower me in praise and beg for forgiveness for expecting more from me. I expect more.
  10. I don't need you to shower me in praise and beg for forgiveness. I really just need you to stop fucking up in the first place and realize that your words have consequences.
  11. This is not an invitation to discuss what the author of the linked "article" actually said. If I wanted to know what some douchebox narcissist thinks about lists and quality blogging I would just consult my own fucking experience.
  12. Here is a secret about me that you didn't know. I have a shitting disorder that makes it impossible for me to shit. I am revealing this intimate detail about myself because I am so open. I also shit in toilets. SELFIE for the feminist cause.
  13. Again, many thanks to everyone who sent me the above article, including shakestownie g, heyyourgaybrain, jesus_rhino, and everyone else in the multigalaxy. I always do such a good job of crediting people. This is something that I do very well whereas other feminist bloggers tend to appropriate work without giving credit, unlike ME. This is why I have so much extra work keeping track of your names and who you all are and whether or not you visited my site from a HATE LINK, and so essentially I am ultimately responsible for everything that happens here which is why it is so hard for me to feel valued in my own fucking space.
  14. "Narcissistic people feel entitled to exploit other people's work. It's on the web. It's easy. It's theirs for the taking. In fact, if they read it more than once, they believe it IS theirs for the taking. So ask yourself how much time has this author invested in his/her blog? How much of their site has been reproduced? Don't dismiss the value of websites collating articles, though. Many readers don't have enough time to browse the Internet for useful articles. What is completely ludicrous however are websites comprised of other people's articles yet plastered with copyright warnings. How can someone who has copied 99.9% of the articles on their blog, threaten legal action should anyone copy her copied blog that was copied from other people's websites.... Look for original content. Reblogging is more and more common so a mix of both is normal. However, if someone regularly posts other people's work, be careful you don't transfer the authority of the article to the person who did NOT write it. Think exploitation." LOLWORD.
  15. I invented narcissism, all the totes unplagiarized stats on the costs of cooling stairwells, and ALLTHEWORDSEVER. LOL OCKHAM'S UNDERWEAR WITCHCRAFT INTENTIONS DOUCHEYACHT HEY YOUR GAY BRAIN. Use them but never forget that they are MINE and to give me all the JIZZ IN YOUR SHOEZ FOREVER or else.
  16. OMG inside jokes and fake words are so OTHERING and NONEXISTENCING. Cocktail forks ahoy!
  17. A RACIST TROLL who has been commenting here for years just emailed to say "OMG don't even talk to me about hypersensitivity" and went on to talk about hir experiences with feeling hypersensitive all the time. FUCK YOU, SILENCING EMAILER. This is not a space for you to come and tell me what I can and can't talk about. It's hard enough not feeling silenced when you have your own fucking blog and a group of mindless followers. I don't need to feel silenced in my own fucking inbox.
  18. Honestly, I rarely delete or edit anything I write because it's all so fucking awesome. But l will delete anything you write that makes it seem as though I don't already know all the facts.
  19. I have constantly and of my own accord devoted my ENTIRE LIFE AND BODY AND SOUL TO this blog FOR YOUR BENEFIT. And I do it ALL without ASKING ANYTHING IN RETURN. REMEMBER THIS WHEN IT'S TIME TO DONATE.
  20. The fact that so many people hate me is really just evidence that I AM DOING ALL THE THINGS RIGHT.
  21. OMG it is exhausting having to write about myself all the time.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

today in sexist dictionaries

So, I was reading through the dictionary sexistionary and discovered that "man" is listed before "woman."

Man is listed before woman.


WTF. DIARRHEA TEARS your transparent sexism, misogynist alphabet! Words have meanings, and your alphabet affects people. This is why I started boycotting dictionaries before I even learned how to write.


racism is alive and well in the tweetiverse

Um, no. Fuck you "feminist" hulk and your garbtweets.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Commenting Note

[CN: A.A. Milne's garbage stereotypes; honey bears getting their butts stuck in trees]

Willful ignorance of the habitats of honey bears will not be tolerated in this space. Today I posted the following on twitter, which I am going to reiterate here once more:

[Image description: A delicate cocktail fork appears adjacent to some profound insights encapsulated in one hundred and forty characters of nuanced prose.]

As I have previously pointed out herehereherehere, here, and here, honey bears are MAMMALS.


republicans think everyone should die

Republicans think everyone should die.

Read that sentence again. Republicans. Think. Everyone. Should. Die.



As I already pointed out on Twitter:

Anger. Screaming. Shit my pants. Rage.


Although there are some non-strawman-y, well constructed arguments that could be used to avoid polarizing people, that could raise the intellectual level of discourse here, and explain what is actually wrong with Republicans' actual shitty arguments, I'm just going to leave it at that.

Republicans think everyone should die.

Kiss my ass and go eat a douche pie, Republicans. Wanting everyone to die is some kyriarchal, transphobic unicorn shit.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

four minute forty second reminisce magnificent

Cults--High Road

[Transcript available at the link]

here's some important shit I already said in lieu of new content

[CN: Fat Hatred Apocalypse]

By the way, if you can't find my amazing twitter feed in the tweetfuckiverse it's because my account is currently SUSPENDED. For unknown reasons. Probably because of twitter's hatred of fat people and Republican fuckbias, which are the only reasons anyone would ever have a problem with anything I say or do ever. But here are some posts for now anyway.

NOTE: Yes, my twitter account has finally been restored. I already know this and everything else. Any comments stating facts will be deleted for assuming I don't know something. I have already typed tenfuckinghundred times that manstating is strictly prohibited in this protected space.

Monday, January 20, 2014

just so you know / today's query

If you're seeing fewer comments on posts it's not because people are leaving this space in droves. The internet is just trying to ruin EVERYTHING AS USUAL by rendering comments technologically impossible. Nevermind the few comments that are getting through. There are fuckbillions of comments lost in the ether and/or stabbed out of existence with the legendary banfork.

And with that, I'm taking a short vacation from trolling the internet for links and posting them here with limited comment. So please enjoy today's query of the afternoon!

Today's Query* (suggested by Shakestownie Judith Shakestown, aka PSOFF, aka me): How many times have you been banned from TBTSNBN (The Blog That Shall Not Be Named)? Wear your number like a badge!

*Currently accepting submissions for future questions that I can claim as my own.

i get hate mail and my great new idea

[redacted] writes:
Subject: Sorry for expecting you to Do More Work, but
[edited by moderator to add CN: gmail discrimination]
I'm almost as afraid to comment on your blog as I am at TBTSNBN, ;-), but I think this blog--I mean YOU, Judith Shakestown, are really, really, really funny. Your attention to the detail of the language of that other place is what gets me most, but also, your absolutely spot-on take on the mood and attitude of you-know-how. Brav@! p.s. that's my own gender/nongender-inclusive way of praising you. I hope you appreciate the tribute.

btw, I don't have any of the accounts required to comment on the blog, so pleeeeeease forgive me for taking it to your inbox instead of commenting. And feel free to publish this anonymously as a comment on your "About" page, if you want, which is where I was trying to do it. :D
LOLVOMSMASH. WTF. MESUS CHRIST ON A [CN: white hatred] CRACKER. NO. I will tell all of you exactly what I told Mr/Ms/Dr/Elephant Redacted:
Dear [Redacted],

I think YOU are hilarious!
That said, if you had been studiously studying my blog as required before commenting or emailing you would see that I don't have an "About" page because it is not MY job to tell you what MY blog is about. I'm also not going to repost your comment for you [I am going to repost your comment for you] because you're too lazy/fauxgressive to open one of the five fucking accounts required to post it yourself.
I have decided though, of my own accord, an idea that came from my very own brainy brain, to open up the comments to anonymous trolls who don't have googldiedoo accounts, etc. I know, I am full of brilliant ideas that I come up with completely on my own. You are now free to commenty comment with your comments to your queer-brained content. However, you should know that I will hold you in contempt whether you repost your comment or not because it's MY prerogative to feel whatever I feel without input from cunt-nosed yahoo-ers who just want to non-existence me.
Brainstronaut Judy Shakestown
Time spent composing this e-mail: 300 hours
Now you can see the unmoderated fuckfloodtornado of ridiculousness that I have to deal with on any given Monday of the Judeo-Christian anti-atheist calendar.

On an unrelated note, I had the best idea ever, which is to open comments and make it easier for you to share my your thoughts here since I so clearly LOVE people and all of my shakestownie commenters.

unnecessary community note

[CN: Snail Farts]

I received a fictitious e-mail in which someone used the shorthand "Shakestown" to refer to the HUMAN PEOPLE who write here.


I am a fucking human being.

I am not a fish, or a robot, or an alien, or an embryo, or a fucking town. I am a human person, who writes posts here.

As a reminder, Judithshakestown, the blog run by human people, has a fuckbillion parts that I don't have to tell you all about if I don't want to, but here are a few of them:

1) Content. Generated by ME and my unpaid "co-"contributors. I write about ten billion words a day.

I am a fucking human being.

2) Comments. I spend roughly two thousand to three hundred million hours a week responding to comments and keeping this space protected for everyone who is me. When visiting every other site on the internet, you might have to actually read the title of a post to ascertain whether it will contain any triggering material. Here, I will automatically let you know if this post contains anything about snail farts, etc.

I am a fucking human being.

3) Responding to emails. Given my profound wisdom, lack of training in counseling/psychotherapy, and the fact that I am leading a well put together, model life, people understandably contact me for advice about everything from relationship troubles to how to leave a cult to what kind of tattoo they should purchase with other people's child support money. I do my best to respond to every single one of these emails because it's my self-appointed job.

Now, you may have seen some cuntstronauts posting on HATE blogs that they have contacted me for advice or help finding resources, etc., and claiming that I never responded to them. These people are just anti-feminist, gun-toting douche yachts who are upset because they wanted me to do something that violates my arbitrary, ever-shifting core principles and so I reasonably ignored them for the sake of my own health. Protecting my own health is a feminist act and anyone who wants me to jeopardize my health and die in order to respond to an email is a horrible racist troll member of the RNC.

I am a fucking human being.

4) Behind the scenes. I don't know if you fully understand, but there is a lot of behind the scenes work involved in spending your money.

I am a fucking human being, monkey canoes.

Quit it out.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

the open saloon is open

This is a space for shakestownies to unwind and ask if they can ask to offer each other a beverage.

As per usual, I'll be around policing your comments but will not otherwise be posting here because this is my fucking day off, for mesus' sake.

soups of the day: lol your jellied octopus, hey your gay brain, cocktail forks ahoy

Saturday, January 18, 2014

a cult of one's own

I finally picked up the garbage book this blog is named after. Here's what Virginia Woolf had to say about what it means to be a [non-otherkin] woman like eighty fucktastic years ago.
[CN: quality writing] Let me imagine...what would have happened had Shakespeare had a wonderfully gifted sister, called Judith...His extraordinarily gifted sister, let us suppose, remained at home. She was as adventurous, as imaginative, as agog to see the world as he was. But she was not sent to school. She had no chance of learning grammar and logic, let alone of reading Horace and Virgil. She picked up a book now and then, one of her brother's perhaps, and read a few pages. But then her parents came in and told her to mend the stockings or mind the stew and not moon about with books and papers. (A Room of One's Own, 46-47)
Blah blah blah garbage fart. She goes on like this for a whole page and a half. Then she says:
The birds that sang in the hedge were not more musical than she was. She had the quickest fancy, a gift like her brother's for the tune of words. Like him, she had a taste for the theatre. She stood at the stage door; she wanted to act, she said. Men laughed in her face. The manager--a fat, loose-lipped man--guffawed. He bellowed something about poodles dancing and women acting--no woman, he said, could possibly be an actress. (48)
Obviously, Virginia Bitchface is describing my life to a tee. My life is fucking hard and I've had no education, financial support, relationship freedom, etc. But I fucking persevered in spite of all the people who hate me and the fact that I hate all other people.

But Ms. Bitchface does not get it.

You don't get it, Virginia Bitchwoolf.

Judith Shakespeare would not have killed herself. She would have started a blog where she constantly berated and shat on her readers, all the while claiming that she was not berating and shitting on her readers (she has a shitting disorder where she can't even shit).

You don't get it, Virginia Bitchwoolf.

Mesus christ, people. Idon'tican'teven on your child support donations.

UPDATE: This is not a place for people who have actually read Virginia Woolf to come in here and try to explain or defend her. If you want to talk about Judith fucking Shakespeare, go start your own fucking blog.

You don't get it.

UPDATE 2: I'm DONE. I will leave the comments open for now, but only because I fucking feel like it, and I haven't shat on enough people yet today.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

wendy davis transcript

I am super busy today with my cocktail forking, but made time to help out with the Wendy Davis filibuster transcript sisyphus project. Here is what I have so far!

A white, able-bodied, cis woman walks to the front of the room. Walkity walk! Her shoes are a color that might appear pink if you are color seeing. She stands there. Sassy pose. All kinds of standing there. Her arms hang there like arms! She is THERE. Her feet are on the floor. THE FLOOR.

Then, she opens her mouth. And out come WORDS. Bleep blop bloop. She speaks. She says blarghity blargh abortion fart women's reproductive rights beep bop boop. Her sweet lips are like a queer man's jazz hands as words tumble and cascade from her gay-souled mouth. She takes a breathdoodliedoo. And she. keeps. talking. She is positively cromulent.

All the cocktail forks to that adorable little lady.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

this afternoon in fat contempt

It surprises me / doesn't surprise me that nothing good has ever come from the wretched teleflatulshow The Simpsons. Anyone who has ever watched this rubbish trashstorm or used any words from it is clearly a cromulent, fat-hating nincomfart. Here is an unedited conversation that Cheeky and I had about this fat-hate-com yesterday.

Me: Hey, homo!
Cheeky: Hey, gay soul!
Cheeky: TEEHEHEHEHEH. The Simsonsfart is on the t-fart.
Me: It's hilarious how they hate fat people.
Cheeky: Yeah, you are right about everything ever.
Cheeky: Where can we find more near homeless people to give you more money?
Me: teehee!

Haha, aren't we hilarious?

Commenting Note: Expressing either surprise or lack of surprise has already been established as being insultuous to my very existence, and anyone who expresses surprise or fails to express surprise is guilty of nonexistencing me and several other readers here. Additionally, it has been well established that mentioning surprise, farting, or the Simpsons in comments is strictly prohibited. Violation of these guidelines will result in seizure of your cocktail fork and banning.