Thursday, August 7, 2014

job description

As a reminder, here is a list of the many jobs I perform here.

  1. Empathic listener
  2. Unlicensed clinical therapist
  3. Metaphorical sledgehammer
  4. Inventor of important and necessary concepts (such as metaphysical blackmail and quartz palace reflector syndrome and ockham's plaid underpants)
  5. Jew
  6. President
  7. Frontline solidier
  8. Acupuncturist
  9. Feminist gangster
  10. Making fetch happen
  11. Reader of anonymous screen caps
  12. Self-published author
  13. Personal assistant to Judy Shakestown
  14. For several years, I've been in complete charge of pretty much everything in my life. There's certain things that you just can't have control of, sir.
  15. Professional lister
  16. Garbageperson
  17. Meteorologist
  18. Cunstronaut
  19. Robomod
  20. Blogger
  21. Informal correspondent to the white house
  22. Zookeeper
  23. Meta-content generator


  1. Judy, I'm relieved to see you are a therapist and empathic listener, because I'm going through a rough patch. You see, my wife recently left me because she was having an affair with my best friend. My mother was on her way to my house to cheer me up when she was eaten by a bear. Do you have any advice for me on how to deal with these trauma?

    Your loyal reader,

    P.S. I am all over (is that how we show support here? I can't remember, sorry!)

    1. Jurgan,

      Was that your mom? She was delicious!



    2. Content note: reaction to humor
      This made me laugh so hard I cried a bit. Bravo gentlemen!

  2. You forgot your important work as a Queerbrained Person of Alliance, and as a Fatsmosnaut who explores the hostile planet of Fatphobia, and as a Five Day Weekend Specialist.

    1. I didn't "forget" these things. This list is non-exhaustive. But thanks for assuming that I don't know what I do.